Wow! This has been a crazy year. (Not 2011, but the last 12 months) I have successfully completed another year of school which leaves me with 3 semesters. But that has only been part of it. Between school, my family, my finances, my jobs and my friends I find myself feeling like this statue more than I would like to admit. Honestly I have found myself more lost and yet certain of where I am supposed to be then ever before. At the end of my rope and completely out of control but this is more restful then anything else. When there are very few options and you can't see a lot of light in any direction you start to get used to the darkness. Now before you start to dial that suicide hot-line or call me a good life counselor I should share that there have been a lot of good things. I have begun to understand and experience a relationship with God like never before. A more loving and accepting God rather then a schoolmarm with a ruler and a poster size 10 commandments. I have learned that I am a lot smarter and capable of doing things I never thought I could handle. Also, I have found myself with more boldness in situations that I would typically be timid and then timid in situations I would have been more bold. Maybe my personality is changing or maybe that's what happens when you get worn down.
So as we head in to the summer I have made some new decisions. First, I can't do everything on my own. I am learning to be more transparent with those that God has placed in my life, even when it seems most embarrassing. Cutting myself a break far more often. I try really hard at everything that I do, I mean REALLY hard and I'm going to accept that that has to be enough. I am going to be taking some time off school, just the summer, but a break none the less. That ever expanding brain or mine is tired and in desperate need of a break, as is my ever shrinking wallet, so I will be working as much as I can.
I pray that these three months will give me time to laugh, dream of what's to come and find myself in a lot more of a peaceful place. Let's see how it goes.
