Just a very short observation today that I have been pondering over the past week or so. Changing your location doesn't change things, it just changes the faces you see when you look around. I think that when we all talked about this move we thought it would be like the windex in Big Fat Greek Wedding, the cure-all when in fact it's just window cleaner.
So nothing too profound to share, just thought that I would send this out in to the world.
**To clarify, I am not saying that I don't like it here in the fabulous state of Texas, just taking a look back. I am a fan of self analysis now and then.**
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thankful for - FAMILY
I have really been struck lately by the impact that family has on people. Last week I was at an FCA conference where Joel Engle was the worship leader. During one of the sessions he talked about his family. He only knew his mother for a short while, never met his father and his grandparents passed away when we was still young putting him in an orphanage. (He sang a song about his father and I linked it below.)
As I heard the song and thought about situations in my own life I was overwhelmed. I have been incredibly blessed in my life with my family. I grew up in a an incredibly close family, on my Dad's side. At times we lived next door to my cousin's and those are my earliest childhood memories. Running back and forth across the church parking lot to each others house. With every bit of my heart and mind I know that those Aunt's and Uncle's, and cousin's loved me and still would do anything for me. Even when I don't see them for months or even year's at a time, the foundation of those relationships don't change.
My Grandfather and Grandmother are two of the hardest working and loving people I have in my life. They have doted on me every day of my life and I have never felt unloved or even un-adored by them. They have instilled in me a servants heart and compassion for others and unending dedication to ministry. My Grandfather is a lifelong learner and is the only one of my friends grandparents to not only be on facebook but to check it incessantly. My Grandmother is the classic Leave it to Beaver mom and prides herself on it. I would like to say I wish to be like her at her age, but I fear that I don't have her energy now so it doesn't bode well for the future hopes. They may not have been perfect people, but I think that is the joy of being a grandchild (or at least being their grandchild) because in my mind they are.
My brothers, my brothers. I begged my parents and I begged God for a sister for years, but it never worked. Then we did foster care for more than 10 years and I thought, this is my chance...we will just adopt one. What do we do? We add a brother. Oh, the irony. For most of my childhood the "majority rule" always worked against me and my mother saw right through my whining so seldomly were the cards in my favor. I think that I have enjoyed my brothers more in the last 10 years then ever before. They are great men that I would chose to know even if I wasn't forced to. Matthew Atticus, the addition to the group is by far the best of the whole group of us. He has been the joy of my world from the 3rd day of his life (which was when he entered our home).
Savannah has been the most surprising addition to my life and our family in every sense of the word and I LOVE HER! I have never before really been the type of person that could really see people's characteristics in babies, but oh my goodness, when she was born I have instantly been able to see my brother Tim in her (Julie too from time to time) but in a lot of her expressions and such. (She will be having her own dedicated blog post coming soon in the weeks to come.) My sister-in-law, Julie, can make friends faster then anyone I have ever met. She has impeccable taste and is incredibly hard working, surviving basically as a single-parent for Savannah for the whole first year of her life which blows my mind when I think about it.
When I was a young teenager I decided that just for spite I wanted to start calling my parents by their first names, instead of Mom and Dad. True to form, my mother was too stubborn to let me win and let me call her Cathy, and a lot of the time I still do. My father on the other hand would have none of it. So I can probably count on my fingers the number of times I have called him Tim. Just as with the names, my relationships with them have changed more then with anyone else I have ever known. I honestly think that my mother waited all her life to have adult children. I think she enjoys us all now more then at any other point. My dad, he is the first call for myself or for any of us kids when anything goes wrong or we don't know what to do. I honestly wonder, now that I am an adult, if he has a book somewhere that he looks in for the answers, or does he just make it up and we believe it because he says it. He is by no means a mechanic but when we have a car problem we call him and he says something with authority and we go with it. It's a little scary now knowing that there isn't instant wisdom that you receive when you hit 30, because I remember him at 30 and I am not as smart as I thought that he was. So there is a breakdown somewhere in my logic.
Okay bunny trail for a moment ***My parents decided to do foster care for babies when we were in High School, it was the craziest thing in the whole world. (Both parents worked and all three of us had very busy lives, but sure let's add a newborn to the mix. ) As we went through the process for the first few years and we had the unending questions from people about why? and how hard it was emotionally to say goodbye, I learned something. Foster care is the ultimate expression of unconditional love. Especially at that newborn stage. Seriously those babies come in and they are completely dependant and need you for all their physical needs and on top of that they need those smiles, and hugs to develop correctly. In the end, in most cases, you are preparing them to go homes with someone else. It is a long term babysitting gig that you never get paid for and never get a thank you for. *** Bunny trail ended
Marathon posting just to say, I hear these songs and I have these conversations with people who have missed out on their family (whether a mother, father, etc) and I guess in my mind I have a hard time understanding what it must be like to have that longing to belong. I have always had that security to fall back on, no matter what other crazy things may happen in my life. I am thankful for that, and I love them dearly.
As I heard the song and thought about situations in my own life I was overwhelmed. I have been incredibly blessed in my life with my family. I grew up in a an incredibly close family, on my Dad's side. At times we lived next door to my cousin's and those are my earliest childhood memories. Running back and forth across the church parking lot to each others house. With every bit of my heart and mind I know that those Aunt's and Uncle's, and cousin's loved me and still would do anything for me. Even when I don't see them for months or even year's at a time, the foundation of those relationships don't change.
My Grandfather and Grandmother are two of the hardest working and loving people I have in my life. They have doted on me every day of my life and I have never felt unloved or even un-adored by them. They have instilled in me a servants heart and compassion for others and unending dedication to ministry. My Grandfather is a lifelong learner and is the only one of my friends grandparents to not only be on facebook but to check it incessantly. My Grandmother is the classic Leave it to Beaver mom and prides herself on it. I would like to say I wish to be like her at her age, but I fear that I don't have her energy now so it doesn't bode well for the future hopes. They may not have been perfect people, but I think that is the joy of being a grandchild (or at least being their grandchild) because in my mind they are.
My brothers, my brothers. I begged my parents and I begged God for a sister for years, but it never worked. Then we did foster care for more than 10 years and I thought, this is my chance...we will just adopt one. What do we do? We add a brother. Oh, the irony. For most of my childhood the "majority rule" always worked against me and my mother saw right through my whining so seldomly were the cards in my favor. I think that I have enjoyed my brothers more in the last 10 years then ever before. They are great men that I would chose to know even if I wasn't forced to. Matthew Atticus, the addition to the group is by far the best of the whole group of us. He has been the joy of my world from the 3rd day of his life (which was when he entered our home).
Savannah has been the most surprising addition to my life and our family in every sense of the word and I LOVE HER! I have never before really been the type of person that could really see people's characteristics in babies, but oh my goodness, when she was born I have instantly been able to see my brother Tim in her (Julie too from time to time) but in a lot of her expressions and such. (She will be having her own dedicated blog post coming soon in the weeks to come.) My sister-in-law, Julie, can make friends faster then anyone I have ever met. She has impeccable taste and is incredibly hard working, surviving basically as a single-parent for Savannah for the whole first year of her life which blows my mind when I think about it.
When I was a young teenager I decided that just for spite I wanted to start calling my parents by their first names, instead of Mom and Dad. True to form, my mother was too stubborn to let me win and let me call her Cathy, and a lot of the time I still do. My father on the other hand would have none of it. So I can probably count on my fingers the number of times I have called him Tim. Just as with the names, my relationships with them have changed more then with anyone else I have ever known. I honestly think that my mother waited all her life to have adult children. I think she enjoys us all now more then at any other point. My dad, he is the first call for myself or for any of us kids when anything goes wrong or we don't know what to do. I honestly wonder, now that I am an adult, if he has a book somewhere that he looks in for the answers, or does he just make it up and we believe it because he says it. He is by no means a mechanic but when we have a car problem we call him and he says something with authority and we go with it. It's a little scary now knowing that there isn't instant wisdom that you receive when you hit 30, because I remember him at 30 and I am not as smart as I thought that he was. So there is a breakdown somewhere in my logic.
Okay bunny trail for a moment ***My parents decided to do foster care for babies when we were in High School, it was the craziest thing in the whole world. (Both parents worked and all three of us had very busy lives, but sure let's add a newborn to the mix. ) As we went through the process for the first few years and we had the unending questions from people about why? and how hard it was emotionally to say goodbye, I learned something. Foster care is the ultimate expression of unconditional love. Especially at that newborn stage. Seriously those babies come in and they are completely dependant and need you for all their physical needs and on top of that they need those smiles, and hugs to develop correctly. In the end, in most cases, you are preparing them to go homes with someone else. It is a long term babysitting gig that you never get paid for and never get a thank you for. *** Bunny trail ended
Marathon posting just to say, I hear these songs and I have these conversations with people who have missed out on their family (whether a mother, father, etc) and I guess in my mind I have a hard time understanding what it must be like to have that longing to belong. I have always had that security to fall back on, no matter what other crazy things may happen in my life. I am thankful for that, and I love them dearly.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Farmer's Market
I had a magical day a few weeks ago. I had been cooped up in the house for too long and it was a beautiful day so I decided that I was going to be adventurous and go exploring. So armed with GPS(round 2) I headed out to the 8 floor Dallas Library downtown to explore all of the beautiful books. It truly was like heaven. I honestly could have come home with 15-20 books to read because there was just so many that I stumbled across that were so interesting. They also had these intriguing areas that you had to sign in and out of. I admit I was a little afraid of them on this first time, but next time I am totally going to find out what is in that section. So after bout 2 hours I emerged with with The Great Gatsby (on CD), Water for Elephants and Monarchy (a book about Queen Elizabeth - after watching The Queen again I have found a new obsession).
After the library I thought I would see if I would be able to find the Farmer's Market on my own. Holly and I had visited it when she was in town in December, but it was not really the weather for the market. After a couple failed attempts to navigate the one-way's I did find it and it was beautiful. Flowers, produce that truly did feel like I had stepped through Alice's looking glass in to wonderland. After the cold and dreary winter. Walking around just energized me more and more. I felt like I could breathe deeper.
I loved it and will definitely return many times to in the future.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I LOVE holiday's
I love holiday's, I really, really love them. I don't know if I love them because of all the decorations and everything or if it is just something that just spices up the year and creates a little excitement. My favorite holiday by far is Halloween. The costumes, pumpkins, candy and trick-or-treating, the slightly sinister quality of the whole thing. I just love it.
I probably have about 10 or more boxes of holiday decor in my one-bedroom apartment and that doesn't include the 10 Christmas trees. If I had the resources or the space I could easily rationalize doubling or tripling that amount and I honestly can not convince myself to part with a single thing. I tried to before I moved and I just couldn't do it. The best part about it was that my dear friends didn't even try to make me because they too knew that it would be too hard for me. I once nannied (if that is even a real word) for a family that had a whole set of housewares for almost every season and major holiday. We are talking dishes, glasses, comforter sets, towels (for all rooms) and home decor. I worked with them off and on for several months and so changed over their home a couple times. While the first time I thought it was a little crazy I then fell in love with opening the cabinet to valentines dishes or sleeping in a bed of fall leaves. It was perfect! I decided it was definitely a long term goal. A few years ago I did buy Christmas dishes, but alas this is as far as I have gotten. But one day my friends.....one day.
My Door
At a bible study session this fall the speaker shared a brief suggestion about creating a poster board listing things you were thankful for. Something about the idea stuck with me. So I cut slips of paper and put them up on the door and they have been there ever since. The new series of blog posts will be based on those things that are my favorite things in my life, the things that I love the most and that I am most thankful for.
Ready, set, go....
Friday, January 30, 2009
Back at it
So I have taken a hiatus, if you will, from blogging. I don't really know why to be honest. I think that it is quite funny looking back now. Why is it that when you have the most to say you say the least. I find that to be a very true for me.
The end of 2008 was an incredibly busy time involving quite a few road trips. A trip to Nashville for my 30th birthday, Little Rock, AR for some friends wedding which was really more of a family reunion then just a wedding. Then a trip back to Nashville for Christmas and New Years. In the middle there my family came to Dallas for Thanksgiving which was more eventful then could possibly be imagined.
This time was also one of the most difficult as I am continuing to adjust to life in Dallas and more then the change in city I am trying to learn to live in an area without the community of family, friends and support that I have been so fortunate to have had around me for so long. **Disclaimer - I came to this city into the arms of the most amazing adoptive parents and my respect for them has grown every month that I have been here. In addition since almost my first day at work I have gained the friendship of a wonderful girl who has definitely got out of her way to make me feel welcome.
All this to say, I don't know why I stopped but I am going to get back to it.
The end of 2008 was an incredibly busy time involving quite a few road trips. A trip to Nashville for my 30th birthday, Little Rock, AR for some friends wedding which was really more of a family reunion then just a wedding. Then a trip back to Nashville for Christmas and New Years. In the middle there my family came to Dallas for Thanksgiving which was more eventful then could possibly be imagined.
This time was also one of the most difficult as I am continuing to adjust to life in Dallas and more then the change in city I am trying to learn to live in an area without the community of family, friends and support that I have been so fortunate to have had around me for so long. **Disclaimer - I came to this city into the arms of the most amazing adoptive parents and my respect for them has grown every month that I have been here. In addition since almost my first day at work I have gained the friendship of a wonderful girl who has definitely got out of her way to make me feel welcome.
All this to say, I don't know why I stopped but I am going to get back to it.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Blessed
Sometimes God let’s things go on a long time while he tries to teach you a lesson and sometimes only a matter of minutes before it smacks you in the face.
The same day that my car was broken in to I had run to CVS to pick up a couple things and while waiting in line, a little frustrated with God and definitely feeling very “Woe Is Me” I noticed that the man at the check out counter was taking quite a while to check out. Now everyone else was getting angry but I noticed that the clerk was a little embarrassed and that he and the man were trying to quickly count pennies while the line grew. I myself am not against paying for things with change now and again so I knew that it can sometimes take a while to count it all up, but as I watched the man search his pockets a second and third time to come up with more change I looked to the counter and saw that he wasn’t trying pick up a pack of gum or gallon of milk and just didn’t want to break a ten or use his debit card. This man was buying a roll of generic toilet paper. Just one roll. He was gathering together every bit of change that he could find to buy some toilet paper.
As I stood there, still two people back in line, wishing that I had had any cash on my (or change for that matter) the best I could tell is either they finally got to the total or the clerk gave up as he handed him back a couple dimes and he was on his way. Now for good reason my day thus far had been really bad. I only have a couple people here in Dallas that I know, so when something like the car being broken in to I just felt overwhelmed with the sense of being alone in this city. And to loose these things that I loved, and believe me I did not take them for granted one bit, it felt like one more blow that I just didn’t need. But then to stand in a line, just feet away from a man without even the necessities of life, all of a sudden the iPod or the GPS system (while things I love and still miss daily) did not seem all that important. I began to realize how blessed I am. Blessed that they didn’t steal my car, talk about feeling isolated in a city, what would I have done then? Blessed that I wasn’t in the car when they decided that they wanted the items. Blessed that I have a whole apartment full of other items that I really do love and make me oh so happy just to see them. They aren’t expensive, by any means, and I may never have that type of life, but I could name 100 material objects that I have that bring joy to my life. They would confuse you and make you laugh at me, but they do. Then put that aside and I could name about 30-40 people that I know or have known that have changed my life and thinking about them makes me feel enormously blessed.
I guess in the end possessions are just possessions. They are just there to crowd up your life and make things beautiful around you while you are living. People form your character. They help build your memories that you will reflect on for the rest of your life. But you can’t take the people or the memories or the possessions with you after you are gone so you have to maintain perspective on what really matters and live your life. So for today and as long as I can I am going to try to realize how blessed I really am, even though the things I had have been taken away. Maybe like Job, God has a plan to bring them back x’s 2, you never know.
The same day that my car was broken in to I had run to CVS to pick up a couple things and while waiting in line, a little frustrated with God and definitely feeling very “Woe Is Me” I noticed that the man at the check out counter was taking quite a while to check out. Now everyone else was getting angry but I noticed that the clerk was a little embarrassed and that he and the man were trying to quickly count pennies while the line grew. I myself am not against paying for things with change now and again so I knew that it can sometimes take a while to count it all up, but as I watched the man search his pockets a second and third time to come up with more change I looked to the counter and saw that he wasn’t trying pick up a pack of gum or gallon of milk and just didn’t want to break a ten or use his debit card. This man was buying a roll of generic toilet paper. Just one roll. He was gathering together every bit of change that he could find to buy some toilet paper.
As I stood there, still two people back in line, wishing that I had had any cash on my (or change for that matter) the best I could tell is either they finally got to the total or the clerk gave up as he handed him back a couple dimes and he was on his way. Now for good reason my day thus far had been really bad. I only have a couple people here in Dallas that I know, so when something like the car being broken in to I just felt overwhelmed with the sense of being alone in this city. And to loose these things that I loved, and believe me I did not take them for granted one bit, it felt like one more blow that I just didn’t need. But then to stand in a line, just feet away from a man without even the necessities of life, all of a sudden the iPod or the GPS system (while things I love and still miss daily) did not seem all that important. I began to realize how blessed I am. Blessed that they didn’t steal my car, talk about feeling isolated in a city, what would I have done then? Blessed that I wasn’t in the car when they decided that they wanted the items. Blessed that I have a whole apartment full of other items that I really do love and make me oh so happy just to see them. They aren’t expensive, by any means, and I may never have that type of life, but I could name 100 material objects that I have that bring joy to my life. They would confuse you and make you laugh at me, but they do. Then put that aside and I could name about 30-40 people that I know or have known that have changed my life and thinking about them makes me feel enormously blessed.
I guess in the end possessions are just possessions. They are just there to crowd up your life and make things beautiful around you while you are living. People form your character. They help build your memories that you will reflect on for the rest of your life. But you can’t take the people or the memories or the possessions with you after you are gone so you have to maintain perspective on what really matters and live your life. So for today and as long as I can I am going to try to realize how blessed I really am, even though the things I had have been taken away. Maybe like Job, God has a plan to bring them back x’s 2, you never know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
