Wrestling with God on a muggy day in May

I have been wondering lately where the line is between asking God for more in your life and being ungrateful for all you have been given. I have been overwhelmed over the last few months by a mixture of torn emotions, a wrestling if you will, between God and I as I have spent quiet moments thinking about my life. Over the past 8 months, heck the past 2 years, there have been many things that have been taken away from my life and yet there have been a surprising number of things that have been added to my life, which leaves me with the question I began with. Where is the line between gratitude and dissatisfaction?

About ten years ago The Prayer of Jabez was all the rage. Everyone was reading the book, quoting the passage and it was taped up on mirrors and cars everywhere. Not since the Revolutionary War has God heard more people praying for more territory and with few of them understanding what the implications would be. What was God thinking during that time? Did he think we were a land full of greedy Americans, as usual, or did he say "finally they have realized that they don't have to be satisfied with this earthly version of life"? Did he give a sigh of relief that we were finally getting how much more there was that he wanted to give us and that he wanted us to do for him?

Jacob wrestled with an angel and didn't let go until he received a blessing. Now if you follow this story out you see that he walks away crippled for the rest of his life. Again it begs the question did the injury occur because he wouldn't let go without needing the blessing or because when you have an encounter with someone or something so holy you will always walk away changed.

So I guess I am wrestling thought. What happens when we are dissatisfied with things in your life, in your relationship with God, in the lives of those you love. What do you do with the question “Is this answer to their prayer, forever?” I am not a person who ever settles for things, which is a double-edged sword. I am not given over completely to the Pollyanna mindset to think that tomorrow is another day and everyone and everything will be better if you just think positive thoughts and smile, but as I see these situations in my life and that of my friends and family I am forced to challenge the notion that things will remain the same forever. And here I sit, on a muggy day in May still wrestling and still praying.