Wild Goose Chase - This month's MUST read

A little while ago I was told about a book called Wild Goose Chase. It is a book all about reclaiming the adventure of pursuing God. Now being one who doesn't regularly seek adventure the idea was a little bit scary yet felt "controllable" since I would just be reading a story. Well I'll be honest, it has taken me right at a year to get the story read, in fact even after purchasing the book I found that it still sat beside the bed. Was I that afraid of adventure that I was even afraid of reading the book?  I don't know if that was it or I convinced myself that I didn't have the time.....so I bought the audio. I spend a fair amount of time driving and there are only so many times you can hear the same 5 songs on Top 40 radio. Needless to say, I am now about half way through the book and there have been few others that have hit me in the same way. I don't want this to be a book report so I will just tell you a few things about the book, thus far.

In Wild Goose Chase, Mark identifies six cages inverted Christians can get locked inside: responsibility, routine, assumptions, guilt, failure, and fear by examining the lives and ministry of Nehemiah, Abraham, Moses, Peter, Paul and Jonathon. It's not a book of theology but more of a challenge for you to look at your life, your passion and the things that you have allowed to become a normal part of your thought processes. The book almost dares you to live a life more radical in every way.  If you are finding yourself at a crossroads, professionally or personally or if you just need a end of summer reading option I would DEFINITELY pick it up.

Unsure if you want to try it? Sample chapter for free. Chase the Wild Goose - Sample Chapter

I Love Gifts!

A little known fact about myself. I Love Gifts! Now before you dismiss me as greedy, I should elaborate. I love GIVING gifts. It most definitely is my love language. As I have been in this time of limited resources I am reminded daily how much I enjoy this. I actually don't even enjoy giving gifts on "expected" occasions like birthday's or Christmas, but would much rather surprise my friends on a random Tuesday. I don't know why, I haven't fully analyzed what it means about me, but I thought I would share.

FINALS

I am in the midst of finals and just had to say that this is the absolute WORST way to determine what students actually know. I have been going off of three or four hours of sleep for the past few days and trying to cram everything it has taken these experts 4 months to teach. Then within two hours they expect me to be able to put it all in the right order on endless lines and bubbles. I know I am not the first person to realize this but I wish that someone would make it all end.

Exhausted

Wow! This has been a crazy year. (Not 2011, but the last 12 months) I have successfully completed another year of school which leaves me with 3 semesters. But that has only been part of it. Between school, my family, my finances, my jobs and my friends I find myself feeling like this statue more than I would like to admit.

Honestly I have found myself more lost and yet certain of where I am supposed to be then ever before. At the end of my rope and completely out of control but this is more restful then anything else. When there are very few options and you can't see a lot of light in any direction you start to get used to the darkness. Now before you start to dial that suicide hot-line or call me a good life counselor I should share that there have been a lot of good things. I have begun to understand and experience a relationship with God like never before. A more loving and accepting God rather then a schoolmarm with a ruler and a poster size 10 commandments. I have learned that I am a lot smarter and capable of doing things I never thought I could handle. Also, I have found myself with more boldness in situations that I would typically be timid and then timid in situations I would have been more bold. Maybe my personality is changing or maybe that's what happens when you get worn down.

So as we head in to the summer I have made some new decisions. First, I can't do everything on my own. I am learning to be more transparent with those that God has placed in my life, even when it seems most embarrassing. Cutting myself a break far more often. I try really hard at everything that I do, I mean REALLY hard and I'm going to accept that that has to be enough. I am going to be taking some time off school, just the summer, but a break none the less. That ever expanding brain or mine is tired and in desperate need of a break, as is my ever shrinking wallet, so I will be working as much as I can.

I pray that these three months will give me time to laugh, dream of what's to come and find myself in a lot more of a peaceful place. Let's see how it goes.

The illogical in the world of a very logical girl

I am a very logical person, and I have always been. For better or worse I have never been able to escape that voice in the back of my mind telling me that one option was safer than the other, and for me the safe one was the only one that really made sense. For most of my life that has served me well and has been of great comfort. For many reasons over the last few years nothing has seemed to be as cut and dry anymore. While that should seem disconcerting to a non-risk taker as myself, I have really learned that my analytical way of approaching things was only really ever in my head. The times when I thought I had control, in fact I never really did.

Lately this has been a very comical experience as my life has been in a state of change and it has really revealed what I actually believe about the nature of God, not my belief in God, but my awareness of who He is. When viewed in the context of a loving Father, the impossible is absolutely possible. And it makes me wonder, do we limit God and the power that he has in our life by applying our small-mindedness or is our understanding just limited. I don't want to live with those limitations any more. No limitations as I try to fulfill the checklist I have made for myself or those made for me. There is such an overwhelming of freedom that washes over me, even as I type those words. It's exhilarating to think about what can happen in and through my life as I try to step out of the way of myself. The best part is that even if nothing in my life changes, from this point on, I have learned to love it as is. Without hesitation or regret.

Maybe this is what comes from turning 30, the wisdom of this silly age, or maybe it's just another major change in my life and mind and God continues to show off. We will have to see...

A break from all seriousness - Best Pranks I ever pulled

So when I tried to pull together the finalists for my favorite pranks ever it became a little tricky. Partially because I think I am forgetting some of them (which is epically sad) and secondly because I just can't choose between them all so we will go through the top two that I can remember, which we can add to with your memories.

1- Chelsea's 13th Birthday: A yard full of 13 flamingo's. Slightly tacky, but definitely the embarrassing surprise to the teenage world that I was going for and a guarantee that she never again looks at a flamingo the same way again.

2 - Okay, another would be a workplace prank. While working at an un-named music company,we had a group of people that had become a little too comfortable working together. So one night a group of girls just thought that we would TP, that's toilet paper to those of us in the "Biz", but when we got down there and got working on it we were inspired. We replaced their pens with tampons, disconnected their keyboards, changed their computer passwords only after putting annoying children's music on repeat. Filled their coffee cups full of marshmallows and probably a dozen more things that I can't think of now. Their offices were a wreak, nothing was damaged mind you, just altered.....redecorated if you will.  For good measure we also trailed a roll of toilet paper out of the office and down the hall.

There are SO many more and I will probably add more posts along these lines, but these were the two that popped in my head. What are your best pranks? I want some fresh ideas.

wandering

I am up at 3am pondering what's next for my life. I am sitting, pencil and paper in hand, and trying to make plans for the future and I have a sensation I haven't experienced in many years. I can clearly remember a particular elevator ride at my first job, about 10 years ago. The doors closed, I took a deep breath and said to myself, "I feel so grown up, I hope that they don't figure out that I don't belong here". That job taught me what I would LOVE to do. It made me feel completely alive. Everything seemed to come together and click. As I write down different options for my future I am thrilled to be experiencing a similar sensation and its energizing. While I can't see the whole path before me and there are still a LOT of questions, everything just feels right. I know that God does provide, and my life is a perfect example of that. So I will continue to put one foot in front of another. Who knows, the path MAY end up going exactly like the paper says that it will. Here's a very hopeful heart believing.

Life

In a recent article about one of my favorite actresses she says "I want to continue to celebrate where I am and not be apologetic." this short and pretty simple statement really struck me. You see I am 31 years old and my life has taken me on many detours and finally led me to a place I never expected to be. I think most people have that internal timeline with expectations for each milestone. I vivdly remember talking with a dear friend of mine when he was 30 and she was lamenting her single life and I can remember thinking to myself how tragic it really was for her and having to thought that I would find myself in her shoes. During that same time I had friends who were out of work for a long time and I pitied them and honestly thought that they were at that place due to poor work ethic or ability, yet I have been taking odd jobs outside my area of expertise for almost 7 months. Even typing that kind of takes my breath away. But this isn't a blog expresses the woes of life. It is sharing something I have learned, and continue to learn. My life is my life. It is what it is and so I have to embrace it, not apologize for it or regret it. Not internally or externally. My path may be different than I thought it would be but there are a ton of things that I thought were true that time has shown to be the opposite.

I no longer will dread saying my age or be ashamed of where my path has lead me career wise or personally. I'm going to give myself a break and EMBRACE where I am and what has brought me to this point, after all this is the only life I have and I won't be able to go anywhere by constantly looking behind me.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Chicago, IL

An unexpected phone call

Today could easily marked by three unexpected phone calls received within moments of eachother. One involved a coworker trying to assit a person struggling with their purchases, the other occurred while I was taking a 15 minute break at work and the last happened while I was wandering around walmart in my pajamas.

The first was the standard woman, overly busy and overly obsessed with herself. Too busy to speak to the friendly associate in front of her but rather just shout out orders , while remaining on the phone, treating my friend as if nothing more than a slave. Now the work was not laborous but the lack of respect shown during the process was really the problem. Word to all consumers: the people who work at tha various retail stores are in fact human beings and such they deserve to dealt with. You never know the reason they are there or the live the endure. We do not have a caste system here in america and God definitely didn't provide for one, so think about the hurt and tears of a person when you treat them as a slave.

Second call was received while sitting, or rather collapsing at my second job reminding myself that there was only one hour left. But while checking messages I discovered something. The day which had been such a mess with an important interview to match had not been such a mess after all as they wanted to speak with me again. Hope again is rising for what lies ahead.

The third call came through while in the shoe section at walmart, of all places. The phone rang and the best kid I have ever met was on the phone, ready for his surprise. His sissy, his fav person, was taking the long and expensive voyage to see him to help celebrate his miraculous arrival on earth and in our family. I must admit his excitement about my visit was greatly enhanced as he knew a special star wars toy would be accompanying me on my trip in to the great White.

So three unexpected calls. Two gave hope and light at the very busy tunnel we are all in, and one only left hurt and discouragement. What will your next call be like?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Nolensville Pike,Nashville,United States

Beautiful Mess

Today was a day that I thought would be pure magic. I woke up and from beginning to end it was a seeming disappointment. Starting with a hair dryer that broke just about 10 minutes before I needed it, to a night spent chasing a stray dog in this frozen tundra. Why do things always seem to turn out this way? Do I believe in things that just aren't true? Is my sense of reality just a hair off? Have I seen too movies or read too many books that my expectations of life have become skewed? Whatever it is I find myself here more often than I would like.

In the midst of the unending mishaps there were moments of beauty in everything. Hope on the faces of those who have been hopeless, restored by the healing power of a good night sleep and the private words of encouragement between two friends. Wonder in watching the prayers of thousands of people accomplishing the simple task of taking communion, and endless inspiration by the questions of the unbelieving.

Life's not pretty, not my life and not those around me, but that's not how God always works. Its not always green pastures and lives that seemingly go perfectly according to schedule. Sometimes we are the children of Israel wading through the years of slavery or rebuilding friendships through grief and loss. Never removed from the power and love of our God, but learning what faith really is. Figuring out what its like to commit your life to a cause when it hurts; when it's not easy. Life is a mess, Faith is not always beautiful. Does that make it any less grand? Any less worthy of a life of devotion? It's not what we would have wished for, but that's our job, to try to find the beauty in all of the mess.

I've Moved!!

Make a Smilebox invite

Thankful for - TECHNOLOGY

My DVR: I will admit it, I watch way too much tv. I don't know exactly when it started, but I really do enjoy it. Probably about 4-5 years ago a glorious thing came in to my life and it's name was DVR (digital video recorder), which is basically a cable tv version of tivo. It pretty much is the best invention in the world. I don't know that I even watch anything that is not on my DVR and have not even considered not having it installed every place that I move when I have held off on getting Internet. It's funny, I know but I can't live without it.

My iPhone: On this one it is a fast love type of thing. I just got the phone a few months ago and while there is endless amounts to learn it never ceases to amaze me. Anything that I can dream of needing it does or can find or, wait for it, there is an app for it. Just holding it in my hand and knowing its there makes me feel more powerful and able to take on the city of Dallas and next the world.

Book of Questions

One of the best books to just have at your disposal, in case you need it, is the Book of Questions. The other night I was sorting through things and deciding which items should be kept and which should be donated to charity. As fate or a cruel trick of nature I came across the Book of Questions which basically put me a good hour behind my schedule on the sorting. So from time to time I am going to throw a question out there and see if I get a response. So here goes:



Question #41 "Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire; after saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? "
Now a time for you to share
I think that I would try to grab my big suitcase which would have all of my pictures and memories inside. Now there are probably 10-15 items that I really love and are family heirlooms that I love and would treasure having around a little more consistently, so do I go ahead and box them up so that if the random act where to happen I would be ready? But then you aren't really enjoying them.

Your Thoughts?
What do you think? On that final dash to save one item, what would you grab and why?

Jon & Kate Plus 8

Okay, I will start with saying that I do realize that I am about to blog about a TV show, and there is a certain part that is pathetic, but I just had to say something.

I have watched this show for quite a few years and I will say that I wasn't very surprised to see at the end of last season that Jon was not thrilled about doing another season and that was the whole cliffhanger, was would they be back or not. Now mind you, this was before any of the stories or rumors about Jon broke, but over the last season he had just become less interested in being on camera at all. And to be honest I saw random stories about the different things, but I really didn't pay much attention to them so when the first show came out I actually had missed it on my DVR, and saw the second and third episodes first. While those shows didn't look too different from the end of last season (just like a busy family), I happened upon the first episode and I was absolutely floored by it.

To watch a show that is usually so happy and even when things were tough you can still see things come together. But to see it so very different was heartbreaking. This is where I am going to the extreme, I realize. As I watched the looks on their faces and them dodge each other for their child's birthday party, I was speechless and could do nothing but shake my head. It broke my heart for their 8 children and for their little hearts, and yes I will say it, It broke my hearts for Jon and Kate and the hurt that they are going through. You see in their show they have talked about the fact that they are constantly filming. They don't take a period of time off, like some shows do. While they aren't filming 24/7, they don't film for 3 months and take 3 months off. So in a show like this, unlike The Hills, you do feel like you see a certain amount of authenticity. This is a christian family and to see it being torn apart is hard to watch.

Now I am not naive. I do not believe that this type of thing does not happen, nor do I believe that it is more heartbreaking when seen in the lives of people on tv. It is devastating when lives are torn apart whether they are co-workers, friends, pastors or family. But as I sat and watched this family I truly believe that this is not just the natural evolution of living in a fallen world. There are other forces at work here and for first time in my life I found myself praying for a television show. And I have to be honest and say that it didn't end there. When I woke up the next morning Jon & Kate were the first people on my mind again. If God can bring dead people back to life he can bring a dead marriage back to life. Whether that of a TV family or of any other. So it is with a little embarasement that I will admit that I will be praying for them. Not to ensure the success of their show or so they can sell another book, but for the lives of the 10 people that myself and millions of others were all too happy to watch for an hour a week.

Thankful for - SAVANNAH'S SMILE

This is a continuation of my "thankful" series started several months ago based on a bible study I went to. But this post will focus solely on my niece, Savannah Lauren.

She will be turning two this week and that’s a pretty big deal to me. You see we found out that Savannah was joining our family in a very surprising way. My brother was stationed overseas with the Army Special Forces and we didn’t really get to talk to him during his deployments unless it was an emergency. One night we got a surprise call from him to let us know that Savannah was on her way. The weeks raced by and all too quickly we were receiving phone calls that Julie was in the hospital, and Savannah was being born (a full 8 weeks early). Over the next two weeks things were very cautious but with all of the spirit of both her mother and father little Savannah came home quickly and grew stronger and stronger and has continued to ever since.











I am thankful for - Savannah and for her beautiful SMILE. I have never been one of those people who looked at a baby and was able to see their parents in them, but for some reason with Savannah things have been different. When I look at her I see so much of my brother. She is like a little mirror image of him, with just enough of her beautiful mother mixed in to make her the perfect little girl. But her smile and her facial expressions are all Tim. The odd part about it is that I am only like 15 months older then him so it's not like I actually remember him as a child enough to see him in her, but there is just something about it that clicks.

The distance between us makes it hard, but that means that every picture and every visit makes all the difference. So happy birthday little Savvy. Aunt B loves you very much.

An anecdote on soul mates

Another quote from my reading "eat, pray, love".....
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet because they will tear down your walls and smack you awake."

When I read those words it really did kind of shake me for a second because it is so contrary to what we are taught and shown to believe. I have only had one person that I have ever come across in my life that I ever thought of as my soul mate. Thinking about it now it's kind of funny because it wasn't a serious relationship or anything, it was just a person that I connected with more then I ever have before and nothing ever felt like the right way to describe it other then a soul mate. Now the question is, does that mean that he was/is the only person I would be happy marrying? I certainly hope not as I haven't actually seen him in about 10 years and I think that his wife would probably have an issue with it as well.

So where does that leave us on the theory? I don't know and didn't really expect to share an answer but thought I would share the theory and at least get you thinking.

When all else fails you Remain

So I have quite a lot of time on my hands over the past two weeks and I have wanted to get caught up on my list of blog ideas. I keep this running note pad of things that I want to write about and so I tackle them one at a time as I get a chance. (There is your peek behind the curtain of the Oz that is my blogging life.) So an ironic thing is that for the past 8 1/2 years I had a steady stream of free Christian music given to me by the armful. More then I could listen to and more then I frankly cared to listen to. Mind you, that is not a slam on Christian music as much as a commentary on the volume of music that I was being given and my non-adventurous nature so I would find something that I liked and stick with it until I became sick of it. Needless to say a good amount of music slipped by me during those years without so much as a listen. Now I am in a musical desert where my source of new music, Christian or mainstream, is my Pandora playlists. It's funny the way things change.

One of the funniest things has been the discovery of the group Starfield (Christian band). I vividly remember their cd's passing through my hands as I gave them away. Now I have purchased their songs for .99 each contributing to the economy and boosting their mainstream SoundScan numbers. One song in particular that has really stuck with me and I find myself singing as I go throughout my day almost more then any other song in the past 6 months is their song Remain. So I thought I would share it with the world as my own way of making up for the fact that it was previously passed over.

Enjoy...

Defender of this heart
You loved me from the start
You never change

Through the highs and lows
As seasons come and go
You never fail

Day after day
Your love will remain
Faithful and true
You are good

CHORUS:
You are God with us
You're victorious
You are strong and mighty to save
For Your word stands true
There is none like You
And when all else fades
You remain

When troubles come my way
You guide and You sustain
Lead me, I pray

Forever You will be
The great eternal King
Now and always

Day after day
Your love will remain
Faithful and true
You are good

Wrestling with God on a muggy day in May

I have been wondering lately where the line is between asking God for more in your life and being ungrateful for all you have been given. I have been overwhelmed over the last few months by a mixture of torn emotions, a wrestling if you will, between God and I as I have spent quiet moments thinking about my life. Over the past 8 months, heck the past 2 years, there have been many things that have been taken away from my life and yet there have been a surprising number of things that have been added to my life, which leaves me with the question I began with. Where is the line between gratitude and dissatisfaction?

About ten years ago The Prayer of Jabez was all the rage. Everyone was reading the book, quoting the passage and it was taped up on mirrors and cars everywhere. Not since the Revolutionary War has God heard more people praying for more territory and with few of them understanding what the implications would be. What was God thinking during that time? Did he think we were a land full of greedy Americans, as usual, or did he say "finally they have realized that they don't have to be satisfied with this earthly version of life"? Did he give a sigh of relief that we were finally getting how much more there was that he wanted to give us and that he wanted us to do for him?

Jacob wrestled with an angel and didn't let go until he received a blessing. Now if you follow this story out you see that he walks away crippled for the rest of his life. Again it begs the question did the injury occur because he wouldn't let go without needing the blessing or because when you have an encounter with someone or something so holy you will always walk away changed.

So I guess I am wrestling thought. What happens when we are dissatisfied with things in your life, in your relationship with God, in the lives of those you love. What do you do with the question “Is this answer to their prayer, forever?” I am not a person who ever settles for things, which is a double-edged sword. I am not given over completely to the Pollyanna mindset to think that tomorrow is another day and everyone and everything will be better if you just think positive thoughts and smile, but as I see these situations in my life and that of my friends and family I am forced to challenge the notion that things will remain the same forever. And here I sit, on a muggy day in May still wrestling and still praying.

Books, Books, Books

Okay, for some of you this will be new insight in to me and my world and for anyone who has helped me moved or lived in the same place with me, you know this all too much. But alas, I must confess.......I Love LOve LOVe LOVE Books. I love just the thought of books. Old books are the best, and hard backs are my favorite. When my family would force to go antique shopping I would see all of these books that I desperately wanted so I could fill a library with them. I didn't care what the books were about at 7 years old, all I knew is that they would have looked perfect on a bookshelf . So I have collected quite a few books, and even though I did scale it back before the trip from Nashville to Dallas, there still seems to be quite a number here and they continue to grow.

A couple months ago I shared about my experience at the Downtown Dallas Library and the wonder that awaits in the 8 floors of books and research materials there. It was wonderful.One of my selections was an amazing book by Elizabeth Gilbert "eat, pray, love". While a secular author and with some non-traditional views she writes some of the beautiful things that I have ever read. I encourage everyone to read it and especially women since it is about her personal and spiritual journey through different situations.

Over the next few blogs I am going to pull out gems to share and talk about them a little and get your thoughts as well......hopefully you will enjoy it.

I wonder if my life boils down to nothing but an Italian joke?

There is an old Italian joke told about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint. The man sits begging, "Dear saint-please, please,please...give me the grace to win the lottery. " This lament goes on for months. Finally the exasperated statue comes to life, looks down at the begging man and says in weary disgust, "My son - please, please, please....buy a lottery ticket."

How many times have I sat in this very room or in rooms all over this country listing off prayers, with complete sincerity and deepest yearning for an answer just to feel like in the end I was as effective as talking to a frozen statue. The years pass, locations may change and yet a good number of the desires and requests stay the same. What is the reason for that. Do those questions, problems, desires not matter to God?

No, they matter just as much as anything else to him but there are times when we need to "stand up and buy a lottery ticket." Not that God needs our help but we have to keep walking forward and take every opportunity that he gives us not standing aside waiting for him to magically bring everything directly to us. Our desires and dreams don't just fall in to our lap. Sometimes we have to get out of our normal comfort zone, take the chance and see what happens next.