Wrestling with God on a muggy day in May

I have been wondering lately where the line is between asking God for more in your life and being ungrateful for all you have been given. I have been overwhelmed over the last few months by a mixture of torn emotions, a wrestling if you will, between God and I as I have spent quiet moments thinking about my life. Over the past 8 months, heck the past 2 years, there have been many things that have been taken away from my life and yet there have been a surprising number of things that have been added to my life, which leaves me with the question I began with. Where is the line between gratitude and dissatisfaction?

About ten years ago The Prayer of Jabez was all the rage. Everyone was reading the book, quoting the passage and it was taped up on mirrors and cars everywhere. Not since the Revolutionary War has God heard more people praying for more territory and with few of them understanding what the implications would be. What was God thinking during that time? Did he think we were a land full of greedy Americans, as usual, or did he say "finally they have realized that they don't have to be satisfied with this earthly version of life"? Did he give a sigh of relief that we were finally getting how much more there was that he wanted to give us and that he wanted us to do for him?

Jacob wrestled with an angel and didn't let go until he received a blessing. Now if you follow this story out you see that he walks away crippled for the rest of his life. Again it begs the question did the injury occur because he wouldn't let go without needing the blessing or because when you have an encounter with someone or something so holy you will always walk away changed.

So I guess I am wrestling thought. What happens when we are dissatisfied with things in your life, in your relationship with God, in the lives of those you love. What do you do with the question “Is this answer to their prayer, forever?” I am not a person who ever settles for things, which is a double-edged sword. I am not given over completely to the Pollyanna mindset to think that tomorrow is another day and everyone and everything will be better if you just think positive thoughts and smile, but as I see these situations in my life and that of my friends and family I am forced to challenge the notion that things will remain the same forever. And here I sit, on a muggy day in May still wrestling and still praying.

Books, Books, Books

Okay, for some of you this will be new insight in to me and my world and for anyone who has helped me moved or lived in the same place with me, you know this all too much. But alas, I must confess.......I Love LOve LOVe LOVE Books. I love just the thought of books. Old books are the best, and hard backs are my favorite. When my family would force to go antique shopping I would see all of these books that I desperately wanted so I could fill a library with them. I didn't care what the books were about at 7 years old, all I knew is that they would have looked perfect on a bookshelf . So I have collected quite a few books, and even though I did scale it back before the trip from Nashville to Dallas, there still seems to be quite a number here and they continue to grow.

A couple months ago I shared about my experience at the Downtown Dallas Library and the wonder that awaits in the 8 floors of books and research materials there. It was wonderful.One of my selections was an amazing book by Elizabeth Gilbert "eat, pray, love". While a secular author and with some non-traditional views she writes some of the beautiful things that I have ever read. I encourage everyone to read it and especially women since it is about her personal and spiritual journey through different situations.

Over the next few blogs I am going to pull out gems to share and talk about them a little and get your thoughts as well......hopefully you will enjoy it.

I wonder if my life boils down to nothing but an Italian joke?

There is an old Italian joke told about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint. The man sits begging, "Dear saint-please, please,please...give me the grace to win the lottery. " This lament goes on for months. Finally the exasperated statue comes to life, looks down at the begging man and says in weary disgust, "My son - please, please, please....buy a lottery ticket."

How many times have I sat in this very room or in rooms all over this country listing off prayers, with complete sincerity and deepest yearning for an answer just to feel like in the end I was as effective as talking to a frozen statue. The years pass, locations may change and yet a good number of the desires and requests stay the same. What is the reason for that. Do those questions, problems, desires not matter to God?

No, they matter just as much as anything else to him but there are times when we need to "stand up and buy a lottery ticket." Not that God needs our help but we have to keep walking forward and take every opportunity that he gives us not standing aside waiting for him to magically bring everything directly to us. Our desires and dreams don't just fall in to our lap. Sometimes we have to get out of our normal comfort zone, take the chance and see what happens next.